I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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