I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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