Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
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I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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