At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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