Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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