remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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