Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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