i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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