Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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