Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
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You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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