Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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