I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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