I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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