Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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