i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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