Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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