sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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