I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize