i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize