i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
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I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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