I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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