Your face is a jimmy john
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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