I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
dude. I can hear the air.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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