We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
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Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize