also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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