i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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