If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize