I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you never un-have a 4some
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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