So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
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She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
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I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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