somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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