He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
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Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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