he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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