all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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