wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
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Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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