First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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