The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
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i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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