1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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