I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
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The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
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you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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