you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize