"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
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God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
how does that bad decision feel?
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