mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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