I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
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I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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