...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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