I wish I could teleport
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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