Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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