So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
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The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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