Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize