Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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