You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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