There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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